SHEEP JOKES:


Welcome to New Zealand, where the Men are men, the sheep are nervous,
and there's no such thing as virgin wool!


Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
So the sheep won't hear the zipper!


Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine
fails and the plane begins to hurtle towards the ground...
SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!
SH2: What about the sheep?!?
SH1: Fuck the sheep!!!!
SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?


So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West.
He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization.
So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor
money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts
getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to ask around. After a couple of
sort of nervous, whispered conversations, it comes out that you use the
sheep. Well, our hero isn't real happy about this, but he's really
desperate. He buys a bottle to nerve himself up. He goes and finds the
nearest flock, and decides that if he's going to do this at all, he's going
to do it right. He spends most of the afternoon picking out the prettiest
sheep in the flock. He shampoos her wool and ties ribbons around her neck.
Puts a little bell on her collar. He's also getting pretty drunk. By
evening, he's done cleaning up the sheep, and not thinking real clearly.
He's so proud of the way the sheep looks, he decides to take her in to town
and show her off at the saloon. He walks in with the sheep, and the room
goes quiet. Everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda
recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he
slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?"
Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the
sheriff's girl."


An Aussie journalist was in New Zealand doing stories where he saw a Kiwi
farmer doing unnatural things with a sheep. He approached the Kiwi and
firstly asked, "What sort of sheep is that?" He scribbled down the farmer's
reply - "a Merino". The next question was, "Do you shear them?" The farmer
replied hastily, "No! Go and find yer own!" (You'll need to know how a
Kiwi's accent sounds to appreciate this joke!)


Why do Welsh sheep farmers wear green Wellies? (rubber boots to Americans)
So they can stick a sheep's back legs into them -- stops them from running
away while they're getting screwed.


Why do Kiwi sheep farmers like to bonk sheep on the edge of cliffs?
Because they push back so nicely.


A young man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from
the village. He asks the old man what his name is; the old man gets very
irate at this point and says: "See that line of houses over there? I built
them all, but do they call me Jones the house builder? Do they hell! See
those railway lines over there? I laid them all, but do they call me Jones
the engineer? Do they hell! See those bridges over that river? I built them
all, but do they call me Jones the bridge builder? Do they hell! But, a
long long time ago, I fucked one sheep..."


Velcro gloves!


A guy, a sheep and a dog were the survivors of a terrible shipwreck,
and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being
there for awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every
evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds,
the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance!  As they
sat there, the sheep was looking better and better to the guy.  So, he
leaned over and put his arm around the sheep. The dog became jealous
and started growling fiercely until the guy removed his arm. After
that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets, but there was
no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in
pretty bad shape, and after they nursed her back to health, they
introduced her to their evening ritual of watching the sunset.

It was another beautiful evening, warm breezes, red sky, a perfect
night for romance.  Pretty soon the guy started to "get those
feelings" again.  He fought them as long as he could, but he finally
leaned over to the woman cautiously, and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


Kiwi Wildlife