PINNOCHIO

One day, Pinnochio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and
wooden boys do. Later, as they were cuddling, Pinnochio could tell that
something was bothering his girlfriend. So he asked her "What's the matter,
baby?"

Pinnochio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the
best guy I've ever met -- but every time we make love, you give me
splinters!"

This remark bothered Pinnochio a great deal, so the next day he went to
seek some advice from his creator, Gepetto. When Pinnochio arrived, he
could tell something was bothering Pinnochio, and asked him what was the
matter. As Pinnochio revealed his dilemma, Gepetto searched up and down for
a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to
"smooth" out Pinnochio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinnochio
graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinnochio for a while and therefore assumed that
the sandpaper had solved all of Pinnochio's problems. A couple weeks later,
Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store
when he ran into Pinnochio.

When he saw Pinnochio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in
stock, Gepetto remarked, "So Pinnochio, things must be going pretty damn
good with the girls!"  To which Pinnochio replied, "Girls? Hah! Who needs
girls???"