NEW DESIGNER DRUGS

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society....

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little
accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new
clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy
their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only
two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period
longer than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing
clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test
group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other
people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special
prosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked
about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and
Presidential Strength versions.


Pfizer is experimenting with Viagra for women, too. There could be
spinoffs, as in:

MAPRA, which (in select cases) allows women to read maps without turning
them upside down when north is behind them.

WHYRA, which in theory - pending lots of testing - might someday allow
women to have conversations with men without reaching that dangerous "why"
stage.

GRUDGRA, allows women to release and finally forget key memories of times
that husbands have pissed them off. Not always effective at erasing the
memory, but can usually block the usage of that memory during a heated
argument.

BONDRA, allows women (1) to understand and permit the concept of male
bonding and the multitude of get togethers needed to support it; and (2) 
to understand why James Bond movies are so great and the importance of 
TBS' 007 weeks.

CLOCKRA, taken with BONDRA allows women to find things to focus on other
than the clock time that their husband was told to be back from his outing
with the boys.

MICRORA, allows women to bypass foreplay and heat up like a microwave just
like a man. MICRORA has also shown preliminary indications of overcoming
the disease known as "notinthemood".

SNOOZRA, taken in conjunction with MICRORA, this drug allows women to
immediately fall asleep after sex thus bypassing the non-value-added,
post-coital cuddling period.

Pfizer is considering a master blend of the all the above drugs. It will be
called PERFECTRA.