THE 1996 DARWIN AWARDS

The Darwin Awards commemorate those who made the ultimate
sacrifice by eliminating themselves from the species in an
extroardinarily novel fashion, thereby improving our genetic
pool. This citation is almost always granted posthumously,
preferably before procreating.

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                         Macho Men?

               1996 Darwin Awards Winner

Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho
they are. Witness Frenchman Pierre Pumpille, of Lyon, who
recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it.
"Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.

Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse
compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong
claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own
head. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was
suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially
they hit each other over the head with frozen icicles, but then
one man seized a chainsaw and cut off the end of his foot. Not to
be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and crying "Watch this
then!" swung at his own head and chopped it off.

"It's funny," said one companion, "Cos when he was young he put
on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."

Reuters - London

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                   Hungry Python Kills Owner

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

A New York teenager was crushed to death by his pet python after
he had failed to keep the snake properly fed, police reported.
Grant Williams, 19, was found unconscious in a pool of blood, the
life practically squeezed out of him by a 12ft Burmese python
named Damien, which was still wrapped over his body. The snake
had been given nothing more than a single dead chicken in the
past week and may have been crazed by hunger.

Mr Williams was found in the hallway. He may have been trying to
escape the flat to summon help. Medical orderlies summoned the
strength ­ of body and of mind ­ to lift the 45lb, 5in-thick
python off Mr Williams and hurl it into an adjacent room, but the
snake lover died in hospital. At the time of the attack, Mr
Williams was preparing to feed Damien a live chicken. It is
possible that the python, peckish, opted for the larger prey.
When on the brink of a kill, the Burmese python (Molorus
bivattatus) can move with deadly speed, and there are few
creatures able to escape its grasp.

Mr Williams may have suspected that his familiarity with Damien
placed him above danger, but a hungry python does not quibble
about such niceties. Captain Thomas Kelly, from the 46th
precinct, said: "It looks accidental." Mr Williams and his
brother kept a number of snakes, many uncaged, in their Bronx
flat. The dead man's mother, Carmelita Williams, said that she
had tried to persuade her son to abandon his hobby. "I begged him
to get rid of the python," she said, weeping. "I even threatened
to call the police."

Damien was last night caged at an animal control centre, after
being fed. Its fate is uncertain.

Times of London, 11 October 1996

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           Cigarette Lighter Triggers Fatal Explosion

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of
a muzzle-loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged
in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor,
19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m.
Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader
that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to
look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

The Indianapolis Star, 4 December 1996

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                 Set the Parking Brake, Stupid!

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

Remember the tragic death of two small boys who drowned when the
car they were in rolled down a boat ramp into a lake?  Their
mother Susan Smith was convicted of their murder.  The lake has
become a shrine for visitors.  A family visiting the lake drove up
to the boat ramp but forgot to set the parking brake.  The car
rolled into the lake, drowning two adults and two children.

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                   Girlfriend Abuse Backfires

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

An unidentified man using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when
the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

San Jose Mercury News

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                   This One is For the Birds

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

Man slips, falls 23 stories to his death. A man cleaning a bird
feeder on his balcony of his condominium apartment in this
Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police
said Monday. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair
Sunday when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
the Peel regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went
over the balcony, " Honer said. "It's one of those freak
accidents. No foul play is suspected."

Reuters - Mississauga, Ontario

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                  Not Just Another Lawyer Joke

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a
downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of
the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that
Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association.

UPI - Toronto

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                       Playing with Cats

                  1996 Darwin Awards Runner Up

A tiger killed one man and mauled another at the Calcutta zoo
yesterday when they tried to put a marigold garland around its
neck in a New Year's greeting.

Prakesh Tiwari, the dead man, and Suresh Rai had been drinking
before they bought the floral garlands and crossed the moat
around the tiger's enclosure, authorities said. "I was shocked to
see the two young men weaving about in front of a tiger with
garlands in their hands, " said Rakesh Banerjee, who witnessed
the attack that triggered panic and a near stampede in the zoo.

The men, both in their 20's, were trying to put the garland on a
13-year old male Royal Bengal tiger named "Shiva" after the Hindu
god of destruction. When Rai threw the garland around Shiva's
neck, the tiger attacked him. His friend Tiwari intervened,
kicking the tiger in the face. The tiger released Rai, and
attacked and killed Tiwari.

"I saw it all; the tiger turned and jumped on the other young man
and put its head on the man's neck, and within moments, the man
was apparently dead, his head dangling," Banerjee said.

The two were reportedly devotees of the goddess Durga and had
gone to "worship" the tiger. Immediately after the incident, an
angry crowd went on a stone-pelting spree in which two children
and a woman were injured.
   
AP - 2 January 1996 - by Kunal Sen Gupta - Calcutta, India