SUBJECT: BIG BLUE

KABINDA, ZAIRE -- In a move IBM offices are hailing as a
major step in the company's ongoing worldwide
telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti, a member of
Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand,
easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the
powerful modem. "I could not crush the nut by myself," said
the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savoury nut to a thick,
peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was
able to break it." Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8
V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in
his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in shooting,
which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the
set and took the modem, which he believed would serve well
as a "smashing" utensil.

IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant
was able to Provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his
everyday problems. "Our Telecommunications systems offer
people all over the world global networking solutions that
fit their specific needs," said Herbert Ross, IBM's director
of marketing. "Whether you're a nun cloistered in an Italian
abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great Sandy Desert, IBM
has the ideas to get you where you want to go today."

According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features,
most impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily
sustained several minutes of vigorous pounding against a
large stone. "I put the nut on a rock, and I hit it with the
modem. The modem did not break." Ndeti said. "It is a good
modem."

Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a
new, state-of-the-art IBM workstation, complete with a
PowerPC 601 microprocessor, a quad-speed internal CD-ROM
drive and three 16-bit ethernet networking connectors. The
tribesman has already made good use of the computer system,
fashioning a gazelle trap out of its wires, a boat anchor
out of the monitor and a crude but effective weapon from its
mouse.

"This is a good computer," said Ndeti, carving up a
just-captured gazelle with the computer's flat, sharp
internal processing device. "I am using every part of it. I
will cook this gazelle on the keyboard." Hours later, Ndeti
capped off this delicious gazelle dinner by smoking the
computer's 200-page owner's manual.

IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers. "We
are pleased that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for
their business needs," said company CEO William Allaire.
"From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM is bringing the world
closer together. Our cutting-edge technology is truly
creating a global village."